Why, at the beginning and end of debates, do politicians who’ve been spending millions of dollars trying to convince TV viewers that their opponents are the lowest form of human life beam at those opponents as though at long-lost friends? They seem to imagine they weill be seen as fantastically good sports, the sort with whom one might wish to shoot nine holes on a weekend afternoon. They’re mistaken. What it makes them appear is horribly two-faced. If they genuinely find their opponents so deeply odious, how can they bear even to be on the same stage with them?
Back in the days before my conversion to social conservatism, there wasn’t much about John McCain I didn’t loathe, but I sort of admired that he made no bones about his loathing of Obama.
Wouldn’t a significant portion of the American electorate be even more likely to think, “My kinda guy!” if Candidate 1, whose poll numbers have plunged since Candidate 2 received a huge donation from some rich Zionist and began running a series of ads depicting Candidate 1 as a lowlife nincompoop who secretly likes the idea of sodomists being allowed to marry livestock, opened the debate by breaking Candidate 2’s nose?
Who’s the faggot now, bitch? And given the power of the NRA and the ongoing popularity of movie action heroes and hip hop, wouldn’t Candidate 2 stand to make himself look manly and decisive and a very firm supporter of the Second Amendment by lovingly placing his Glock on the rostrum before him while inviting Candidate 3 to make his day?
Americans love martial arts movies too, of course, but in the face of American xenophobia (we don’t much cotton to the idea of a French-speaking president), a candidate might be doing himself no good whatever laying out his opponents with a few karate or other Asian-conceived kicks. Real American men don’t kick, not unless they’re outnumbered by at least six to one.
Real American men hate feminism, and know how to discourage their women from getting any stupid ideas about embracing it. After his recent Grammys performance, during which he oozed sexiness, the girlfriend beater and singer Chris Brown inspired mass longing among the nation’s womenfolk, a great many of whom tweeted that a bloodied nose and a few loosened teeth would be a small price to pay to party with him. Sen. Santorum might do very well to consider him as a running mate. If the Democrats object, as they surely will, on the grounds that Brown isn’t legally old enough for the vice presidency, the Santorum campaign can spin their doing so as racist. There are few things we social conservatives enjoy more than accusing the other side of racism.
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