Monday, July 27, 2015

Being a Groupie

It wasn’t me who like originally had the idea of being a groupie. It was Brittanae’s. Her dad or uncle or whatever had been like a rock star in the 1980s or something, and he’d told her that he always had like a million girls to choose from. Me and Britt and Britt’s friend Alykzandra, who could move to another state or even country without me crying Tear 1 because she’s always telling everybody that her and Britt are besties when the simple fact of the matter is that it’s me and Britt who are, decided we would go to the Meandering Calliope show at the Crest Ballroom. But then it occurred to me that maybe I’d better get bigger boobies first because I had no intention of Alykzandra getting more attention than me, which she would because she’s like ginormous. I asked my dad and of course he said no way I’m only 16 and probably haven’t even finished like developing or whatever. I was expecting that. I told him that in that case maybe I’d tell the court or whatever that I’d changed my mind and wanted to live with my mom. That really hurt him, but sometimes you have to like hurt the one you love, like in that song my mom used to like so much, "Pleasure and Pain," or whatever. My dad said that if my idea of a good time was watching my mom drink herself to death, then be his guest. I said yeah it was my idea of a good time. He pouted for around 24 hours, just like I knew he would, and then said what we both knew he was going to say in the end anyway, that if it was really important to me he’d find a way to pay for it. I asked for DD’s, which I knew he wouldn’t agree to, and then let him talk me down to C’s. I’m not as big as Celeste but I’ve got a prettier face and much better skin.

You can imagine how much I wanted to kill Alykzandra when I found out she’d like persuaded Britt to go to the Calliope show even though I couldn’t, and Britt had promised she wouldn’t. I guess they lost their nerve because the guy who was guarding the entrance to the backstage area said they needed either to have this special pass-type thingie or “be real friendly” with him, which Celeste was OK with, but Britt said no way because the guy was apparently gross.  He reminded Britt of Jared Whatsit in English as a Second Language, which me and Britt signed up for because we thought it was going to be really easy, but it isn’t because Mr. Holman’s majorly into participles and adverbs and all that stuff, and is anything in the world more boring than that? But then we found out there was going to be another show, with this group from Omaha I hadn’t heard of called The Insisters. 

Me and Britt went to Hot Topic to get something we’d look really hot in. I wasn’t majorly ecstatic or whatever about Alykzandra inviting herself along, or on her insisting on getting the same sparkly bustier as me and Britt. I thought we were going to look like a singing group or something, and at the last minute decided to go over to my mom’s and borrow this like black lace top she has. She said I was too young o wear something like that and I told her her breath smelled like vodka, even though vodka isn’t supposed to smell. She called me a brat, and slapped me across the face. I could have ducked but it wouldn’t have been in my like best interests because after she slaps me she always feels like majorly contrite or whatever, and bursts into tears and lets me do whatever I want.