It occurred to me last night that, of my 14,382 Facebook friends, I would recognise no more than seven or eight if they sat down beside me on the bus. It is clearly time for a merciless culling. Help me in this by responding to the following at or before your earliest convenience,
What was it that made you want us to be friends?
My nimble, zingy wit.
My saturnine Semitic good looks.
My kindness and generosity,
My prodigious intellect.
My having reviewed Led Zeppelin unfavourably well before your birth.
How do you remember feeling the day you either received a friend request from me, or I accepted yours? (Choose one from Column A, and one from Column B. No substitutions)
As though walking on air
Ecstatic
Rhapsodic
Awesome
Joyful
Which do you enjoy most? (Choose six, in order).
My music
My graphic design
My writing
My videos
My dancing, of which too few are aware. I am a natural. Show me even the most complicated routine and I will have it mastered by the time the pianist returns from her fag break.
What do you find most irresistible about me physically?
My gorgeous boyish body
My prominent, characterful nose
My unruly hair
My deformed-looking twice-replaced right shoulder
My stiff upper lip
Who do you most wish were like me?
Husband
Son
Brother
Bestie
Worstie
Essay question, for gals only. I’ve always had a knack for saying exactly the right thing to women. Are you able to remember the first unforgettably wise, witty, or worldly thing I said to you? Example: "I guess what I’m doing now, during a period of what might look from the outside like unemployment, is finding…me."
Essay question, for dudes only. Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Essay question: Describe a time when you were feeling hopeless, or desolate, or lonely, nd found that thinking of me made you feel a lot better.
Thank you for your participation, and goodbye forever.
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