My Life in Lingerie

The lamestream media is crowing about the apparent declining popularity of Sarah Palin’s Iowa. The prolific procreator and stranger to the great outdoors Kate Gosselin appearing on the show a few weeks ago with 14 of her 18 children inspired “only” 3.1 million additional viewers to tune in. Last week, without Gosselin to humiliate for not knowing a caribou from carob, Sarah attracted “only” 2.56 million viewers, as opposed to the 4.96 million who watched the show’s debut episode. The lamestream TV critics were quick to speculate that TLC might now decide against the Sarah Palin’s Third World Hellholes series they’d projected for next season.

Shed no tears for Sarah, though. To the rhymes-with-witches of The View, for instance, 2.56 million might not seem like very many, but what we have to bear in mind is that Sarah’s, except in rare cases, aren’t typical casual viewers, but deeply committed patriots intent on taking our country back from the Obamarxists and restoring our precious liberties and what have you. These aren’t people who settle for a particular program because the finger they use to depress the Up or Down button on their remotes gets tired, but who would gladly lay down their lives rather than continue to live under tyranny.

An even bigger consideration is that Sarah’s viewership began to decline only when the Jewish liberal and so-called progressive-controlled media hit her with their very best shot, rushing into production the unashamedly prurient My Life in Lingerie series. If you’ve somehow managed to remain ignorant of this Satanic filth — on CBS on Sunday evenings at eight, right after the still-popular (in spite of its being brazenly left-leaning) 60 Minutes — each week it follows a different “sex symbol” as she shops for and then models attire of the sort in which only a woman’s (male!) spouse should ever be allowed to see her.

And don’t imagine that its ratings haven’t been declining right along with Sarah’s. While 145.24 million tuned in for the first in the series, featuring Angelina Jolie in Victoria’s Secret, subsequent editions, featuring Jennifer Aniston, Pamela Anderson, Jessica Simpson, and Rachel Maddow, have attracted progressively smaller audiences.

I’m idealistic enough to feel strongly that TLC has a moral obligation to present the Hellholes series regardless of their ratings, as it won’t only expand Sarah’s world view before she deposes ObaMao in 2012, but also remind the viewer of how very much better we are than most of the world’s other countries. All too often, I think, we lose sight of that.

It appears now that Sarah’s daughter Bristol, who may or may not be pregnant again, has been seeing a lot of 20-year-old Alaska pipeline worker Giancinto “Gino” Paoletti, who helped her sell her condominium in Anchorage to express her disgust over only 67 locals turning up for Mom’s recent book-signing at the Dimond Blvd. Costco. Husband Todd is said to be incensed about her involvement with a foreigner whose name he can’t pronounce, even though Paoletti was born in Alaska no less than husband Todd himself, and even the most fervent xenophobe can usually handle Gino, at least in the sense of pronouncing his name.

In tacit acknowledgment of her having another bun in the proverbial oven, cute-as-a-button Bris has taken a new tack in her most recent TV spots promoting teen sexual abstinence. Whereas early spots ended with her looking soulfully into the camera and saying, “You can wait; you can!” in the new series, she says, a little bit saucily, in some viewers' eyes, “There’s lots of things you can do that’s like totally fun without his putting it in you, you know.” Younger daughter Pillow, meanwhile, is apparently in negotiations to begin dating the late Michael Jackson’s son Blanket, after having been advised by Bed, Bath & Beyond that neither of them will have to work another day in their lives if they can make this happen. Youngest daughter Paper, meanwhile, has been spending every spare minute during her winter break from school with chums Rock and Scissors, and reportedly continues, at her age, to find boys “gross.”