Monday, November 22, 2010

Sara(h) Smiles, Part 11: Not Whether to Run, But With Whom?

It’s a little bit premature, but nonetheless a world of fun to speculate about who will make Sarah's best vice presidential running mate in 2012. Not surprisingly, a lot of the fellow common-sense conservatives I’ve been talking to in the mid-Hudson Valley seem to favor Michele Bachmann, who represents Minnesota’s 6th congressional district in the House. They love her fervent common-sense conservatism related to such issues as global warming, which she has quite correctly identified as a hoax, pointing out that carbon dioxide is "a natural byproduct of nature" and actually required by plant life. There's also a lot of residual enthusiasm in this neck of the woods for the music of Bachman Turner Overdrive, with which Congressman Bachmann has no connection whatever.

Other folks would enjoy seeing Sarah paired with a country music icon — a Carrie Underwood, for example, or even the late Tammy Wynette. But it’s generally felt that Underwood lacks sufficient political seasoning and gravitas, and many are fretful that the Democrats might be able to mount a challenge to the idea of a deceased person serving as vice president — though the Constitution doesn’t specifically forbid it — that would prove both financially and emotionally debilitating. Similar problems may well arise with Carrie Bradshaw by virtue of her being fictional, though she would likely make Sarah more attractive to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered voters. Oprah, who would make the idea of a Palin presidency more palatable to the differently pigmented, is out because so few Republicans will forgive her for having endorsed the Muslim socialist from whom snatching the country back is what the 2012 election will be all about.

Surely a lot of people would be more likely to vote for a girl and a guy than two girls, so a lot of male running mates are obviously under consideration. As noted the other day, there’s significant enthusiasm in my town for the idea of Iraq president Jalal Talabani, thanks to his refusal to execute Saddam Hussein’s former mouthpiece Tariq Aziz, who’s a sort of Christian. It’s well known that Talabani loves the idea — the American vice presidential annual salary is $208,000, whereas he’s getting only the equivalent of $13.45 per hour, and no dental or vision or limousine, to run Iraq, but getting him naturalized in time for the election is going to be a very tall order, even with powerful common-sense conservatives pulling State Department strings, and no few Republican strategists have fretted openly about the guy’s surname reminding many voters of the Taliban. It’s comparable to Wyoming congressman Jeff Hitler being passed over as Jimmy Carter’s running mate in 1958.

It’s been almost universally noted that a ticket of Sarah and Mitt Romney would be the most physically attractive in American political history, but many observers suspect Mitt might be very hesitant to play second fiddle to Sarah, as too might John Ellis (Jeb) Bush, the former governor of Florida, widely thought to be less an idiot than his big brother George — not that we common-sense conservatives regard George as anything less than the greatest American president of the 21st century. As far as considering taking a back seat to either of these men, Sarah, having run for vice president already, is all like been there done that.

If she asked me — and stranger things have happened! — I would urge Sarah to consider Aung San Suu Kyi, leader of the Burmese democracy and human rights movements. Talk about mama grizzlies! This terrific lady, who won the Nobel Peace Prize (take that, B. Hussein Obama!) in 1991, has had to learn to do her own electrical rewiring and plumbing while spending 15 of the past 21 years under house arrest, but has still found time both to win a Congressional Gold Medal and a star on Hollywood Blvd. Bono likes her, and so do Hugo Chavez and Christina Aguilera! As with the Iraqi guy mentioned above, some major strings will have to be pulled to get her naturalized in time, but it will be well worth the trouble, as every Asian in the country will vote for her, and probably even a few liberals, who will enjoy the idea of having in office someone whose name only they, in their own minds, pronounce properly.

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