Sara(h) Smiles, Part 13: Think Again, America!

A lot of people I spoke to yesterday on behalf of the Committee to Elect Sarah in 2012, and Then Again in 2016, as it’s been renamed to demonstrate how very serious we are not only about taking our country back, but keeping it back, were livid about the trial of Ahmed Ghailani, who’d been charged with 280 counts of murder and conspiracy in connection with the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. It was the Obama Justice Department’s bright idea to try him in civil court, rather than by a military tribunal, and his fast-talking, probably Jewish (let’s call a spade a spade!) lawyers convinced the jury that he was guilty of only one count of conspiracy after the Jewish-surnamed (let’s call a spade a spade!) federal judge disallowed the testimony of the guy who sold Ghailani the TNT he used to blow up the embassies just because Ghailani mentioned him only while being tortured.

As we common-sense conservatives see it, Ghailani should have been grateful for any trial, military or otherwise. You didn’t need to know much more about him than his name to know that he was guilty as sin. The only real Americans named Ahmed are wide receivers or running backs. When you give American kids names better suite for Arabs, you’re only asking for trouble. If Bob and Bill and Tom and Jack and Steve and Jebediah were good enough for generations of brave Americans, they’re good enough for NFL and NBA players.

I’m well aware that a lot of liberals can’t bear the thought of torture, and refuse to be consoled by the reassurance that it’s used only on those with accents as weird and foreign as their names. If it keeps one American child from lying awake at night worrying about hijacked jetliners being crash-landed on his or her middle school’s athletic field during football or even cheerleader practice, though, we common-sense conservatives say waterboard, baby, waterboard!

If there’s a silver lining in all of this, it’s that Obama’s Department of Justice has made clear that Ghailani could have been acquitted across the board and still not gone free, as the President has retained what his press secretary has called post-acquittal detention power, a power not even George W. Bush thought to claim. (Two years into his presidency, Obama finally does one little thing better than Bush!) I can’t imagine any right-thinking American having a problem with the president being able to keep a terrorist imprisoned even when he’s been shown in court not to be a terrorist at all. But neither can I imagine any right-thinking American not wishing it were someone as common-sensical as Sarah wielding the power, rather than a Kenya-born Muslim socialist whose middle name is Hussein.

In other news, Our Gal last week decried the "untruths and exaggerated rhetoric" — the latter a word whose meaning she doesn’t quite understand, and almost certainly can’t spell, but not everybody had parents rich enough to send them to Harvard or Yale, so stick it where the sun don't shine LOL — told by Bristol's ex, Levi Johnston, who can’t spell even Johnson. Typically, though, it isn’t her own feelings this profoundly decent woman’s most concerned about, but those of her elder son Track, who, while helping to liberate the Iraqi people, had daily to deal with the cruel irony of risking his life to protect the freedom of speech of those accusing his mom of being an inattentive parent, a money-grubber, and a shameless fame whore.

Here again, we common-sense conservatives diverge from the elitist liberals. We are all in favor of free speech when it’s decent and truthful and doesn’t promote ungodliness. Were our elitist liberal friends not listening in the 70s, though, when many imbued with folk wisdom, the best kind by far, were saying (and singing!) what goes around comes around? Do they really imagine that we as a society aren’t eventually going to have to pay a very high price for our having tolerated anal intercourse, Lady Gaga, and the proliferation of professional athletes with Islamic names? Think again, America!

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